ALOVETOKEN
also posted on We Dont Do Books ,
but basically this is something to keep myself busy and get some shit off my chest. When I'm happy with myself I don't seem to get much done. With the contributions of some friends who draw/write/photograph like monsters, I will (hopefully) be releasing issues of these monthly.
email me if your interested in a copy.
but basically this is something to keep myself busy and get some shit off my chest. When I'm happy with myself I don't seem to get much done. With the contributions of some friends who draw/write/photograph like monsters, I will (hopefully) be releasing issues of these monthly.
email me if your interested in a copy.
"please, we cant go back. I believe in you."
this morning i walked past an old abandoned church that reflects off anything in its wake on this part of town. it sits in stoic silence, unaffected by its ruined walls and windows, utter lonliness.
it sits awaiting its inevitable fate, dressed in a funeral suit of new graffiti. If i could, i would tell it that i am sorry, and that we all never end up the way planned to--that we all crumble a little more everyday. that it isnt just him.
I've been searching for a quieter place to sit, but at this time of day, everyone is either asleep or awake with some sort of seeming purpose. A girl i spent years in love with is sleeping through my frantic phone calls, a friend i haven't seen in months is probably on his way to class. No one should wait to console me, no one is directionless but me here. everyone is somewhere. no one is pointless, but me. All that i've wanted to do all morning was go home and let my bones collapse or sit in the shower until the water runs cold or shake in the shower until somebody finds me.
"i'll be fine, thanks."
an old/ damaged polaroid i took of said church last year
back from the binge
"Tell the wind to bring us back to before this storm. "
Nothing.
"She is mine" he thinks.
A king and queen above them standing statues through this storm. His clothes were heavy now, she spoke of promises but he knows her fear clings to her words like his eyes to the ground. A set of eyes so used to the sky simply can't handle stories of inadequacy.
"We can change the tides and cast our lives in stone."
He seems to be wrong time and time again. The king and queen hold their strings close as the water rises.
"There are fires in all of us, we're all tired..."
She turned to go inside as he stood. Minutes had gone by before he let out a breath, but before turning to an unsure hand he said,
"It can't be true what people say, time can't be the only remedy. Don't worry about me dear, my name hasn't met the air on too many occasions this year. I told you I could keep you safe, but I spoke too soon it seems, I've spent too many suns convincing myself this is was how it always happened. I replaced feelings for scenes and wasted my life waiting for the tides to change, at the very least lie to me."
She hadn't heard a thing. He knew nothing of life outside this.
"You can have her." he repeated to the wind. But only the waves could hear him.
I'm so fucking self absorbed, but you're morbid to the core.
You're more then a demon, you're worse then before
things were never about you and me
it was always you and him, and childish jealousy
you can have her.
only life i know how to live
me and my friends
we don't encourage discipline
or really much of anything.
we do our drugs 'till we're lit up.
tell ourselves that this is love.
but it's never added up
and it will never be enough.
it's the same corner booth,
the same sixth street bar,
the same sour mouths,
and the same empty arms.
forever and ever our lives
on a loop.
it's the same dollar draft,
the same whiskey words,
the same hanging heart,
and the same old scorched earth.
we're further and further
away from the truth.
i wanna stop it.
i wanna stop it.
i wanna stop it.
or really much of anything.
we do our drugs 'till we're lit up.
tell ourselves that this is love.
but it's never added up
and it will never be enough.
it's the same corner booth,
the same sixth street bar,
the same sour mouths,
and the same empty arms.
forever and ever our lives
on a loop.
it's the same dollar draft,the same whiskey words,
the same hanging heart,
and the same old scorched earth.
we're further and further
away from the truth.
i wanna stop it.
i wanna stop it.
i wanna stop it.
LITERALLY DONE
I've been spending all my time chasing all the wrong crowds
doing my best to keep my feet off of the ground
but I'd rather be dragging my teeth across the asphalt
than to go home to hear how everything's my fault
so I'm forgetting all those things they made me say
the things that made me the person I hate today
I won't be long, I won't be long... I won't be long
these things never pan out to be much of anything anyway
doing my best to keep my feet off of the ground
but I'd rather be dragging my teeth across the asphalt
than to go home to hear how everything's my fault
so I'm forgetting all those things they made me say
the things that made me the person I hate today
I won't be long, I won't be long... I won't be long
these things never pan out to be much of anything anyway
POSI+TIVE MAGAZINE
I was lucky enough to get featured in "POSI+TIVE" magazine,an on-line magazine about photography, design, reportage, fashion and other things. The Editor in Chief said he liked my photos and asked me whether or not i would mind answering a few questions about them.
to see the full article, click here
to see the full article, click here
seeing beyond sight
Seeing Beyond Sight illuminates the surprising power and creative potential of photography in an astonishing collection of images created by visually impaired teenagers. I picked this up for two measly dollars in the used book section of my city's library. After I finished reading it, I didn't know how to feel; I felt like a complete toy/tool/ fucking failure. These were some of the most astounding photos I had ever seen.
To the right is the same photo that was used on the cover of this book, to the credit of a thirteen year old boy.
Pick this up if you ever have the chance, I hope it makes you feel something.
"I was thinking
that it would be
sort of hard
for a blind person
to take pictures,
but it's not very hard.
You've just got to
listen."
-John V.
sort of hard
for a blind person
to take pictures,
but it's not very hard.
You've just got to
listen."
-John V.
she doesn't bother with goodbyes.
i took a bus to this city and thought back on some things my grandmother told me. She said they put a soul in everybody, and I started to believe that maybe some invisible hand peeled back my skin and cracked my ribs and poured mine into me. And somewhere along the line, back when we were kings, I was careless and tore a gash in my chest because it's become clear that I've been letting it spill out for the past year and a half. I know I haven't been able to steady my hand for about a week, but I had this dream that a blue jay found its resting place on the concrete beneath me. I swear it was screaming, but I couldn't make out what it meant to tell me. I took a plane to this city and studied a picture of the subway. I was astounded that a cartographer spent his days mapping a world based around synergy, and remembered that in this very same bus seat, I met a girl with the most honest eyes I'd ever seen. She gave me a flower and said to always keep it with me. It still sits on my dresser; it watches me while I sleep. I know I haven't looked you in the eyes for a week or so, but I have this reoccurring dream that you might die of an overdose, and I can't shake the image of you there, cold and alone. All I wanted was the 4:17 bus to downtown and to watch the night turn buildings blue, but the woman across the aisle from me is crying. "I'm so sorry, Miss, but there's nothing I can do."
winter dies the same way every spring.
so between a misinterpretation of the "Left and Leaving" album
and this microcosm of my own confusion,
maybe I should consider phoning her.
winter dies the same way every spring.
so between a misinterpretation of the "Left and Leaving" album
and this microcosm of my own confusion,
maybe I should consider phoning her.
"We just needed a week to really... find ourselves, you know?" - Zack Jewelinski
Haven't been to school in a week, this is beginning to become a problem. We're not meant for this life, some are. As for us, we failures belong making things and getting our ideas stolen. I spent most of today inhaling bleach out of boredom, thanks to my roommate Ben.
Tomorrow we leave for the bottom of California thus beginning Kyle and my glass blowing apprenticeship. I feel like a preteen pretending not to be scared shitless right before getting on a gnarly roller coaster. This is going to get ridiculous.
If your still alive, you don't need any advice.
I've been reading excerpts from Charles Bukowski's appropriately titled collection of poetry, " You Get So Alone Sometimes That It Just Makes Sense," in which he writes about the hopelessness of the human condition. In said book, he lists a series of great writers and painters and poets and discusses all of their lowest moments ( Van Gogh, Hemingway, etc.). He keeps repeating the quote, " the impossibility of being human." I looked up more Bukowski, and his gravestone includes his name, dates of birth and death, and the simple quote. " Dont Try "
Mental note: write Bukowski's descendants a letter, and Mr. Bukowski, thanks for the advice.
See, all of this encompassing and violent feeling of defeat leaves me waking up every morning and saying " Really Life, Again? "
Signing off, I'm late for work again.
CAP'N JAZZ
This was news to me! Beaten to it by Chug Life
Tears literally fell down my cheeks, too epic for words...
Cap'n Jazz Reunion!
p.s. I'm back to contributing to Lyrics Will Not Reach The Audience and very excited, check it out.
Tears literally fell down my cheeks, too epic for words...
Cap'n Jazz Reunion!
p.s. I'm back to contributing to Lyrics Will Not Reach The Audience and very excited, check it out.
ONE LAST WISH
I stumbled across this record when I was browsing at Amoeba looking for Rites of Spring albums, I was far beyond pleased.
One Last Wish; a brief history via wikipedia - was a short-lived post-hardcore band from Washington, D.C. It was formed in May 1986 by members of Rites of Spring, and split up in January 1987.
One Last Wish; a brief history via wikipedia - was a short-lived post-hardcore band from Washington, D.C. It was formed in May 1986 by members of Rites of Spring, and split up in January 1987.
Amidst the breakup of Rites of Spring in 1986, three of its four members - Picciotto, Janney and Canty - went on to form a new band after picking up Michael Hampton, former guitarist ofThe Faith and Embrace. With the name One Last Wish the band began playing shows in August 1986, which were mostly in the D.C. area and included a series of benefit shows. Their sole recording was done in November 1986 at Inner Ear Studios in Arlington, VA. It was engineered by Don Zientara and produced by Ian MacKaye. After the dissolution of the band, both Canty and Picciotto would join MacKaye in the band Fugazi. One Last Wish broke up shortly after mixing was completed, and as a result the album was not released until 13 years later in November 1999, on MacKaye's Dischord Records label; Dischord had decided against the release in light of their growing reputation as a label of defunct bands. Prior to this release of this record, titled 1986, only one single, "Burning in the Undertow", had been released, having been on the Dischord benefit sampler "State of the Union" (April 1989). After the band's breakup, Picciotto, Janney and Canty would reunite with Michael Fellows of Rites of Spring, taking on the new name Happy Go Licky. Hampton would go on to form the band Manifesto.
Download their only release here
VISIONEERS
WELCOME TO THE JEFFERS CORPORATION
The Jeffers Corporation is the largest and friendliest and most profitable corporation in the history of all mankind.As part of our ongoing effort to improve productivity, we have authorized the release of this film as a method of recruiting new TUNTS into our ranks.- Mr. Jeffers
Synopsis: First time feature filmmaker Jared Drake makes his directorial debut with this quirky black comedy set in the near future, and concerning a curious spike in cases of spontaneous human combustion. The Jeffers Corporation is the largest business in the history of mankind, and they got that way thanks to their strict philosophy of happiness through mindless productivity. But when people begin literally exploding due to unhappiness, Jeffers Corporation Level Three TUNT George Washington Winsterhammerman (Zach Galifianakis) begins to fear that his time will come sooner rather than later.
George lives a comfortable yet completely uneventful life, and when he starts having dreams in which he’s the first President of the United States, his doctor informs him that they could be signs of impending explosion. Later, as the dreams become more frequent and his co-workers continue to detonate, George is prompted to reevaluate his mundane existence. Judy Greer, Missi Pyle, and James LeGros co-star in an existential black comedy featuring music by Tim DeLaughter of the Polyphonic Spree.
~ Jason Buchanan, All Movie Guide, www.visioneersthemovie.com
Sight for Sore Eyes
Check this band out, Boyfriends, they deserve your time. They sound quite similar to 1994 but that shouldn't be a surprise considering Boyfriends is composed of Mike and Chris, also members of 1994 and the other two members Matt and Bean, Bean in which does not speak english. These guys are definately a band to keep an eye out for, keep checking their myspace for updates for recordings and shows near you (and hopefully me). I wish I had funding and a location to set up a northern California music festival so I can fly or drive out the bands that have trouble making it out here, especially our friends overseas! But I won't go on and on about all the bands I wish I could see. Boyfriends Myspace
I've been meaning to mention this band for a while now so please direct your attention towards Boys and Sex, embodying members of Boy Problems, Snowing, Cassilis, and Make Me this PA based trio takes me back to a time when things mattered and things seemed much simpler, pretty much the better part of the 90's. Beautiful melodies, fast, passionate vocals, and even the lyrics have a simplicity to them that only further reminds me of how things used to be. Describing music with words has never computed for me, it just seems redundant. I have little faith in words.
Coincidentally Boys and Sex and Boyfriends are putting out a 7inch together in which they are sharing, not splitting. Here's what one of them had to say when asked about their Spring 2010 "share" rather then "split" 7inch they replied, "...you are wrong. it is not a split. we are sharing it. we are one. together. the term "split" conjures up feelings of adversity; something we do not wish to strive for. this is a celebration of our communion of work as not only two bands, but seven friends coming together as one. seven people whom share thoughts and ideas together. we are merely on separate sides of a record, my friend, and that is as far apart as we'll ever be...get into it. and buy that shit when it comes out. "
Thought I'd relay this fun fact from Revelation Records
Saturday Night Live recently did a sketch about a father who
gets his band back together after 25 years to play a song at his
daughter's wedding. After some polite introductions, the band
surprises the guests by breaking into an early '80s hardcore
inspired song called "Fistfight In The Parking Lot," breaking
glasses and knocking over tables.
There were many obvious references to the actual early '80s
hardcore scene including the sign at the beginning of the sketch
showing the names of the couple getting married: "Cadena" - a
possible reference to Black Flag vocalist Dez Cadena - and
"Norton" - possibly named after Greg Norton from Husker Du.
Also, the names of the band members include "Steve" and "Lyle" -
coincidentally the names of members of Minor Threat; the
breakdown in the middle of the song is an homage to Suicidal
Tendencies' "Institutionalized;" and the name of the band is
Crisis Of Conformity (obviously a nod to crossover legends
Corrosion Of Conformity).
You will also notice that the drummer in the sketch is Foo
Fighters frontman Dave Grohl, who grew up in the scene playing
drums for seminal DC hardcore band Scream. Less well known,
however, is that the father/vocalist and SNL cast member Fred
Armisen also has a connection to punk rock. Armisen was the
drummer in the Chicago punk band Trenchmouth, which had releases
on Skene! Records. Check out the clip here:
Post Script
There's a lot of shows coming up in the next two months, full schedule to be posted soon.
ALL IN TOGETHER
My life started lending itself to photography a few years ago and so I've since manufactured myself into these pictures. I found myself in me the night of Brandon's funeral, but I'd give it back if he was somehow still here with us. So if you know who's running heaven these days, tell them I'm ready and willing to negotiate-- I want my faith in humanity back.
If I could go back in time to when I thought shit was sad, I'd punch myself straight in the fucking face because it gets worse man. It gets much much worse, and the sooner we realize that, the sooner we can start dying.
does ditching teenage fantasies mean ditching all my dreams?
∞
If I could go back in time to when I thought shit was sad, I'd punch myself straight in the fucking face because it gets worse man. It gets much much worse, and the sooner we realize that, the sooner we can start dying.
does ditching teenage fantasies mean ditching all my dreams?
∞
PROBLEM No.01
So today I installed Ableton 8 and after some oil and frustration I was able to get my midi controller basically set up. I only played around for maybe 30 minutes due to the fact I spent the entire night dedicated to installation and setup. Once I found a little something I liked I wanted to record but of course there's complications with recording that I'd much rather not go into further detail about. Ableton Live is hard software to just try and pick up and learn, butt fuck it...Here's a ghetto ass recording of the first little jam. Its "live" I suppose, I couldn't figure out half the things in Ableton so I opened up virtual dj for the beat, played the keys through Ableton Live, and recorded it all blasting out of my speakers with the microphone on my laptop in Garageband. The end trails off into some random Dirtyloud song in case you were wondering. Feedback and criticism please me."Able" Download
This morning I opened my eyes to nothing and from that came this...
another live recording of my second attempt of messing with ableton live.
"90's Movies" Download
I suppose I'll also put up two other tracks I fucked up. One is a Underoath
remix and the other is just funny.
"Under Mix" Download
"Pathetic" Download
Here's me wishing I knew a drummer...
"Everyone" Download
"Everything" Download
Lastly, two old demos, if you can even call them that...
"Out my Window" Download
"Double Take" Download
telling myself, "this isn't happening..."
as I'm spitting out my teeth
at all these things I can't stop imagining
WE THE FAILURES
To the left is the insert that was inside the Failures LP (Charles Bronson, Das Oath, and Holy Molar's Mark Mcoy's most recent project) I purchased a few weeks ago. I deem what the he explains to be important and valid information that is necessary to understand in order to help more properly comprehend how we view the world.
That out of the way and this being the first but unofficial post I'll try and explain what we are going to try and accomplish with this blog; nothing. We will be sharing our photos, art, short stories, poetry, music, news and our views and commentary on the landscapes in which we live and people that inhabit it.
I should go off on some whimsical poetic rant about how I miss the past or how things used to be but honestly, I've grown tired of looking backward, it makes moving forward much too difficult.